Saturday, 19 December 2009

A bit of psychology.....

I have been away, in my head, but here I am again, eager to explore who I am and what I am here for. And to vent. I do that sometimes :o)

I have been having a few problems at work, and am not the only one, people are leaving left, right and centre and that is destabilising and unsettling. I am a sensitive person and pick up on everything around me and have been emotionally tossed this way and that, or that is how it feels. I asked my colleague one day how he coped with all the argy bargy that goes on every day and the horrendous office politics which I am so caught up in, because he obviously does cope superbly well. He told me that he goes in to work every day and does his job and then goes home. Amazing. Deceptively simple of course. A bit of a brain-stopper for me actually. An "Oh. Is that it?" type of statement. And yes, that's it. Rightio then.... I can try that. So I have been doing and funnily enough it gives you the mental distance to see the CRAP for what it is.... and to not become involved in it, but to just view it from a distance.... which sounds as if the problem is fixed right? Well.... it's more a work in progress and I have resolved (and making a decision at all is liberating in itself, I have been so torn with "shall I/shan't I leave?" that I have been going totally MAD!!) I have resolved to give it until March 2010, which is one year here, and then to review.... there will be new management (because the old ones have all left!) and so, the balance might alter, the culture might alter, I can concentrate on the "good" people and take the "bad" people with a professional detachment and not take their uncooperativeness (remembering that uncooperation in my business probably means a legislative breach, but hey, it's their choice, all I have to do is tell them, OMG!) personally. Distance. Go to work. Do my work. Go home. Do not become emtionally entangled and actually fend off the emotional garbage from one particular person which is affecting me so profoundly. I shall become Ms Cool, Calm and Collected :o)

Well, that was a bit of a "mind dump" Que? :o)

In todays paper - and it is jolly weird how many times this happens to me - was an article that fits this situation and resolution very well. I am going to reproduce it here, it is written by Danielle Hannington, clinical psychologist, in todays The West Australian, about a book called "Act on Life, Not on Anger". The article was about Christmas and the stresses it puts on people when they spend time with their families that they may not get on with and a way to cope with that. It fits bloody perfectly with a way for me to fend off the emotional backlash from each event at work, and there may be a new event and sometimes multiple events every day, and it is EXHAUSTING me! Anyway here it is....

"Imagine that you are floating over the waves just beyond the breakers at the beach. You can see the wave coming (like the wave of anger or hurt or disappointment [or in my case frustration]). Feel yourself just drift up over the face of the wave and glide down the other side. No need to become entangled in it. No need to fight it.

Trying to stop the wave will only result in you getting dumped and disoriented. Just let it be and let it pass. You know that you cannot change the wave, just as you cannot change your family member [work colleague etc].

What you can change is how YOU are. If you are really connecting to what is important to you as a person, your values, how would you be acting? It is easy for us to blame others, or demand that they be different but what if they remain the same as they always have for the past 40 years?

Connect with your own values. Gentleness, respect, integrity, love, kindness. Yes, you may feel infuriated, sad or anxious, but by staying true to your values you remain true to yourself"

You can see how this would work well with family members, but it also would work in my situation at work.... what do you think?

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