Sunday, 30 August 2009

Eggs are a dangerous breakfast food.

I set fire to the fridge today. It smells quite strongly of barbeques now. And so does everything in it.

I cooked eggs for breakfast, they were quite yummy. The Goff boiled his own, in his northern fashion, which is NOT the right way, so I told him how he should do it. Obviously. To demonstrate this point to him quite thoroughly, I set fire to the fridge. The way you do when you are quite adamant about something. Everyone does that, I told him, I did it on purpose.

I then cooked poached eggs for me. The fridge was still safe at this point and a smoke-free zone. Not for much longer. The egg box was next to the cooking pan, which was on top of a gas ring, which was, quite naturally, alight. All was well. I might point out that it was The Goff who cunningly put the egg box next to an open flame! I'm fairly sure this was all his fault.

Anyway, just a little tidy up before eating, put the eggs away. On top of the other egg box. On the shelf. In the fridge.

The eggs were good. So was my book.

I think I had time to relax and think about life, the Universe and everything. I then went on a little explore because I could smell a weird smell. Like burning candles, but no, everything was fine, neither of the children had lit anything. Time for a cuppa then. Fill kettle, wait for kettle to boil, tum te tum, da dee da, oh, there we go, nice and relaxed, time for the milk....rice milk you know, calcium enriched and good for you, low in fat and quite tasty, you should try it, Oh my GOD, what the bloody hell is going on inside the fridge????!!!!

Smoke billowing out of the fridge, smell of burning electrics or worse, holy crap! Turn off the fridge at the socket, thoughts of "Will I be able to claim this on insurance? Where is the fire extinguisher, do I remember how to use it and how old is this bloody thing?"

The Goff, good on him, abandoned his cuppa and sprang into action, straight out the door! But no, was not running away (phew) was checking the RCD, all correct, nothing popped out. How strange. Pulled the fridge out (not easy, it's wedged in its hole, thankfully on wheels) Oh my god, look at the dust on the floor! And is that a bit of broken plate and how long has that cockroach bait been there?

Doors and windows open, extractor fan on, door to the hall closed because that smoke alarm is going to scream at us otherwise. Off to the bedroom for a torch (don't ask). Out to the garage for a screwdriver ("It's a star shape" "That's a posidrive woman!") Do battle with the stacked chopping boards and cake coolers for the extinguisher. Run off for the vacuum cleaner (if any insurance men are coming here, they are NOT going to find a dirty floor, I can tell you!) May as well wash the floor now then, as the fridge is out....

Shine torch into depths of fridge workings expecting to find charred bits or smoking bits or melted bits. Actually nothing to report, everything cool - literally. Strange. Ah well, may as well wash it now it's out of the hole and vacuum inside its guts :)

Shall we turn it back on to see what happens? The Goff thinking to take one more look inside because this is a puzzle and a conundrum. Where is the fire? Oh! There it is! Smoke billowing out of the fridge, smell of burning electrics or worse, holy crap! (Have we been here before? Deja vu! A glitch in the matrix!) The Goff blowing into the fridge to try and clear all the damn smoke, good god, what's that alight now?! Egg box. Glowing and producing roasted eggs. Not to mention melting the inside of the fridge, which has a nice brown bubble in its wall to prove it's story to it's grandchildren.

Egg boxes still alight! Into sink, douse with water, crack a few eggs to see if cooked yet! Take a photograph for facebook!

Moral of the story, no more eggs at breakfast time, I just can't handle the stress!

Of course, I have had previous firey events in my little kitchen :) And me a safety and health professional! Har de har!

I have tried and TRIED to put a link in here to the 14th April 2008, Upgrades versus Downgrades, to no avail! Which just goes to show I am not HALF as good at IT as I am at setting things on fire!!! Carrie's Musings: Upgrades versus downgrades. Yip Yip! I've done it!!!!

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