Thursday, 19 February 2009

Toilet humour

Let me just set the scene.....

Long, busy corridor with offices off one side, laboratory doors off the other side. A disabled toilet around the middle of the corridor on the same side as the offices. A toilet that does not have a “foyer” area – you just walk right on in to the business section, so to speak. Picture a large aluminium grill in the middle of the disabled toilet door. All doors have large grills in them for the return air on the air conditioning. This grill is so large that when one person locked themselves out of their office one day, they kicked the grill in and crawled through the hole into their office and unlocked the door from the other side. It’s a security-nightmare type of grill.

Back to the grill in the disabled toilet door. This grill was loose. It had clip fasteners holding it in to the body of the door and to its counterpart on the other side of the door, made out of spring steel. So each grill is actually two grills, connected to each other by tightly sprung, spring steel clips. I had got into the habit, in my role of “fixer”, of knocking the grill back in, whenever I walked past it. Just while I was waiting for the carpenters to rock up and actually fix it properly, you understand? As long as you hold on to both sides of the door at the same time, this works very well and holds the grill together for another couple of weeks before it springs itself out again. On this occasion however, the door was closed, so I knew a good bash on it would pop that sucker right back in. Are you with me on this? Busy corridor, toilet pan on the other side of a door with potentially a very large hole in it? Sigh.

Of course I gave the grill a hefty whack. Of course the clips sprung and the inside grill popped right in and the outside grill popped right out, landing in the corridor with a resounding metallic CRASH! And there was a someone on the pan. Of course. Someone, who no doubt, had been in their own private place, just quietly meditating, the way you do when alone, on the pan, in peace with themselves and the world. The world who now seemed to want to come in and join the party, if indeed, a party there was! Rockin’ rollin’ let’s get this party GOIN’!!!! A resounding SHRIEK rent the air! Sigh.

That was a couple of years ago..... today, I walked in on someone else on the loo, same corridor, different loo. Much friendlier and potentially more intimate.... same volume of SHRIEK though!

Just as well I’m leaving next week, methinks!


Flibbertigibbet said...

When I was in Moscow a lot of the public toilets didn't have doors. I saw more than one Russian matriarch heave up her skirts. That will stay with you for life, maybe in your nightmares.

Carrie said...

Hmmm.... it's just not funny is it? Enough to give you a medical problem, having to hold on until you get back home!

Flibbertigibbet said...

You know, also whilst in Russia, we were taken to see a wooden church in a place called Suzdal. Anyway, I was busting for the loo by the time we arrived after a journey of a couple of hours or so. Then the toilet was in a 'shed' in a field, which you could smell from a long, long way away. I held it till I got back to Moscow. I just couldn't do it. By the way though, I loved Russia! Toilet issues aside!