Monday, 28 December 2009

Christmas 2009

This has been a good Christmas. Better than expected and that always works.

Christmas Day was spent, nearly in its entirety, with my Lovely Son. A leisurely breakfast on the beach, which included sparkling wine but no vodka - which is just as well if you ask me! Berries, soya cream, cheeses, ham, gluten-free biscuits and muffins, sparkling vino and sweetened OJ. Unfortunately camera-free, or I could show you the gorgeous beach, but that might be just as well, considering it was early in the morning and the under-eye bags were frighteningly large!

Back home for showers and pressies. And snowballs! No snow in Aus, have to make up for it somehow! (And there, at last, is the vodka!) My Lovely Son so craved snow this year that he saved up any and all polystyrene for the last 12 months and then put the lot through the blender and scattered the result around his house, oh dear, I think he has made some attempt to clean it up already and already has overheated the vacuum cleaner! Ah, the joys of youth :)

On to the next stage of the day, and Himself going to fetch his friend and Self putting roast on - in inebriated state - those snowballs are lethal, I tell you! But, success! Food NOT masacred, always handy :) Lovely Son and Lovely Friend arrived, all is good, Friend IS Lovely! Marvellous, wonderful, especially as Self has never met Friend before and anything might have been possible! But all is OK, phew.

Food goes well, conversation goes well, company is genial :) Marvellous! Here are some photos....

Where are Lovely Son's antlers? He was wearing them! Notice the fetchingly placed angel :)

Lovely Friend has very fetching pixie hat - I want one!


Self has forgotten make-up in drunken scramble to open-pressies-and-cook-dinner while endeavouring to appear sober and sensible :) And succeeded, admirably, no-one knew Self was plastered! Am sure of that! :)

The day continued with Self going to Own Friends house and congregating with lots of other friends, all so drunk that taking out a camera was impossible! And so, no evidence of hilarity or good times, but there we are, good times were had and there the matter will have to rest, and no Blackmail Material was garnered! Sigh.

Boxing Day was spent on the beach, unfortunaltely listening to a Father berating his young sons for a number of hours and so, could have been better but weather fantasic and snorkelling was had....







All lovely and blue and green, you will notice. Although, apart from small sprat-like fish and blowies, no other fish evident. Am going to have to scuba dive again if I want to see them on my screen. Or poach someone else's photo's of course!

Sunday was spent in Subi and Mt Lawley buying books and having lunch. I now have 5 queued up to read plus another 2 on order. It is a terrible thing to have no books to read and that most terrible situation has now been remedied. The following treats were purchased by Yours Truly.... Small Island by Andrea Levy, The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (what a brilliant name!), Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka (have read A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian and therefore must read this one also :), Alice Hartleys Happiness by Philippa Gregory and The Alphabet Sisters by Monica McInerney. Then 2 on order are The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle and Flip it by Michael Heppell :):):) La la la! What decadence! What extravigance!

Monday and the last day of the Christmas break for me, again spent on the beach, no photo's, no snorkelling but a Whole Book demolished! Marvellous! Love Monica McInerney! Great beach reading! Also, no dreadful Fathers turning their sons into criminals today, thank The Universe for that! Also, the most wonderful weather - hot and still, breaze off the land and the sea like a mill pond. Marvellous for floating around and NOT being dumped by pesky waves. Not a surf board in sight, dreadful surfing weather, wonderful floating weather!

To round off the day, hot chips and cappucino whilst sitting on a hot sea wall, simply relishing the view and the weather and Glorious, Marvellous Australia.

And so, it is back to work tomorrow and then for the New Year..... an excursion, an adventure, a photo opportunity extra-ordinaire!!!! Watch this space! :)))))

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Realisations.....

A very strange thing has happened. I have read my whole blog from one end to the other and the things that I thought happened early this year, were actually happening early 2008. I feel as if I have lost a whole year! I told my good friend on Saturday that 2009 was my year of self-discovery, to discover from my blog, that was 2008! I also didn't buy an astrology book for this year, unheard of! Good gracious! What happened to my head this year, I feel as if I've lost it.

So then, on with the self-discovery and 2010 is going to be my year of health. I have to get these various problems sorted out! Also I have realised from reading my blog that this tiredness of mine goes back two years at least. I have blamed my job, vitamin pills, nurofen, diet and have I thought of hormones? I think I discounted them when my blood tests came back OK and not menopausal. So what is causing this? I have to find out because for the last 10 days I have been barely able to function and it has gone way past a joke. Or an amusing fad. Today has been much better and I am sure I will be better now for a few days, weeks if I am lucky, but then it will creep back up on me and peaks for a day and then ebbs once again. There have been so many false clues and red herrings! Ah well, carry on regardless, as my grandfatherr would say.

I will get to the bottom of it, everything that I do find out, is one more clue and one more thing to be discounted or included. The investigation continues.

Also my daughter is still estranged, over two years now. And Christmas is nearly here.

Also, I make myself laugh and that can't be a bad thing! A lot of the entries are so cryptic I can't remember the circumstances that prompted them! I have let my inner Child run riot through my blog, it has been a lot of fun! I think that's what has happened, I have been sensible and grown up for a whole year and I have nearly bored myself to death! Bring on the child I say, the more tantrumus, the better. Hello, you naughty girl, where have you been?, I have missed you! Welcome back :)

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

An Apology

The Goffman and I have split up.

Through no fault of his, I told him that I wanted to separate. It was one of the most horrible days of my life, that I hope to never have to repeat. Since then, he has moved out and I am attempting to move on. I had come to realise that we were not compatible at all and the reason that I was in the relationship was because I was afraid to not be in the relationship. My 25 year marriage broke down in 2005 and I had spent my time trying to reproduce what I had in my marriage. Well, that was not going to work. I now believe that it is really important to spend time alone after a break-up, especially after a long relationship. What I did was go on RSVP and started dating within four months. Crazy. I was crazy, totally crazy. I didn't know a damn thing. Hindsight is a marvellous thing and I can now see that I was running hard and fast, trying to not think about my husband and why I had been rejected. I replaced obsessive thoughts of Him with obsessive thoughts of other men. I learnt to dive, started running, stopped painting, stopped being still really and just went into adrenaline, crazy-girl, overdrive. Anything, anything to stop the pain and the obsessive, circular, unresolved and unsolvable questions and thoughts.

I remember that is one thing that really took me by surprise, and that was the pain. A unending physical pain in my stomach as if I had a deep injury, which I did and I did not give myself the time or the understanding to heal. I just went hell-for-leather to find another man and another relationship to attempt to replace what I had lost, what I loved above all else. My husband, my soul-mate, my reason for being, my reason for living, my family, my everything I valued in this world. Writing this is bringing tears to my eyes, so I know I haven't succeeded yet in a complete healing process. I am still a work in progress.

Two nights ago I was reading the book by Nuala O'Faolain "The Life and Times of...", and the last chapters are a howl of protest for the middle-aged woman who is still alone, and I was in floods of tears over that, it fitted me so well and it hurt so much to read it and to realise that after 5 years of being apart from my husband, I have been left alone and I am alone and I am getting older. It seems so unfair that I took such great care of this man that I loved so much and we had got past the point of the consuming nature of the children and were free to be ourselves with time to ourselves and time and the money (surely?) to travel and just BE together. My future was mapped with this man that I loved, our future was together and it was safe and I LOVED him!!! And then he left.

I Googled Nuala, to find she has died of cancer, well, that just did me in!

I have resolved to not date for some time, to not look, because I really need to heal and to be and I don't need the distractions or the obsessions of men and relationships that I have put myself through. I need to love the abandonded Child within, I need to nurture myself and not chase around heedlessly. I need to learn who I am and what makes me happy. I need to try to sort out these health problems that I have. I need to talk and to spend time with my girlfriends, who are all so wise and I love them so dearly.

I didn't have girlfriends before, there was just him and me. We live in Australia, we left everyone behind, I regret that now, for lots of reasons, for my children as well as for myself and my inner Child. But I have been here too long and I love it too much and I cannot, I cannot go back to England. I really believe it would kill me. So I do know that about myself. I am Australian. And I miss my German Oma, I know that too.

Now, I did want to move this blog so that I could write what I needed to without thinking that the Goff would read this and be hurt by anything I might say, but I don't seem to be able to do that, so, I am sorry now Goffy if you do read this and are hurt. Please DON'T read this, that is all I can say, because I really need to blog and I need to be free to explore where and what I will and I am going to hope you are not there, but am sorry now, if you are. I implore you please, with all gentleness, to go away from this blog now.

Saturday, 19 December 2009

A bit of psychology.....

I have been away, in my head, but here I am again, eager to explore who I am and what I am here for. And to vent. I do that sometimes :o)

I have been having a few problems at work, and am not the only one, people are leaving left, right and centre and that is destabilising and unsettling. I am a sensitive person and pick up on everything around me and have been emotionally tossed this way and that, or that is how it feels. I asked my colleague one day how he coped with all the argy bargy that goes on every day and the horrendous office politics which I am so caught up in, because he obviously does cope superbly well. He told me that he goes in to work every day and does his job and then goes home. Amazing. Deceptively simple of course. A bit of a brain-stopper for me actually. An "Oh. Is that it?" type of statement. And yes, that's it. Rightio then.... I can try that. So I have been doing and funnily enough it gives you the mental distance to see the CRAP for what it is.... and to not become involved in it, but to just view it from a distance.... which sounds as if the problem is fixed right? Well.... it's more a work in progress and I have resolved (and making a decision at all is liberating in itself, I have been so torn with "shall I/shan't I leave?" that I have been going totally MAD!!) I have resolved to give it until March 2010, which is one year here, and then to review.... there will be new management (because the old ones have all left!) and so, the balance might alter, the culture might alter, I can concentrate on the "good" people and take the "bad" people with a professional detachment and not take their uncooperativeness (remembering that uncooperation in my business probably means a legislative breach, but hey, it's their choice, all I have to do is tell them, OMG!) personally. Distance. Go to work. Do my work. Go home. Do not become emtionally entangled and actually fend off the emotional garbage from one particular person which is affecting me so profoundly. I shall become Ms Cool, Calm and Collected :o)

Well, that was a bit of a "mind dump" Que? :o)

In todays paper - and it is jolly weird how many times this happens to me - was an article that fits this situation and resolution very well. I am going to reproduce it here, it is written by Danielle Hannington, clinical psychologist, in todays The West Australian, about a book called "Act on Life, Not on Anger". The article was about Christmas and the stresses it puts on people when they spend time with their families that they may not get on with and a way to cope with that. It fits bloody perfectly with a way for me to fend off the emotional backlash from each event at work, and there may be a new event and sometimes multiple events every day, and it is EXHAUSTING me! Anyway here it is....

"Imagine that you are floating over the waves just beyond the breakers at the beach. You can see the wave coming (like the wave of anger or hurt or disappointment [or in my case frustration]). Feel yourself just drift up over the face of the wave and glide down the other side. No need to become entangled in it. No need to fight it.

Trying to stop the wave will only result in you getting dumped and disoriented. Just let it be and let it pass. You know that you cannot change the wave, just as you cannot change your family member [work colleague etc].

What you can change is how YOU are. If you are really connecting to what is important to you as a person, your values, how would you be acting? It is easy for us to blame others, or demand that they be different but what if they remain the same as they always have for the past 40 years?

Connect with your own values. Gentleness, respect, integrity, love, kindness. Yes, you may feel infuriated, sad or anxious, but by staying true to your values you remain true to yourself"

You can see how this would work well with family members, but it also would work in my situation at work.... what do you think?

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Playing with Art :)

Yesterday was the first hot day of the season, I think. I indulged myself entirely, especially after the dreadful 10 days I've just had on wretched antibiotics, I thought I deserved it. Gosh, they made me feel ill, I couldn't even be bothered to go on the computer, for any reason and ended up having the last three days off work. Bleuch! Anti-bi's for parasites and helicobactor pylori, yuksville. But done now, yesterday was the LAST DAY! Day 10 Yay!

So, off in the car with the boot stuffed full of pastels and paper, a picnic, chair, etc And chilled basically. Lovely Jubbley. So, here is my first pastel for 13 years...... not too bad, not too unhappy with it. Some touchup is still needed which I shall do, and if it looks greatly different, will rephotograph it. I sat and painted at Resolution Point in Perth and had a lovely day, got some sunburn, but couldn't move 'cos then the view would change!



This one is of an unfinished mirror that I am working on right now. This is an interim photo. It is lilacs and daisies, no daisies as yet. you can see my ceiling vent in it :)



Two days ago I went to one of my favourite shops, Jacksons, an art supply shop - always dangerous - to buy pastel paper. I walked out of there quite a few dollars lighter and one draughtsmans board heavier. Here it is....



Ideal! No need to fill the dining room table with crap now, can eat off it again :) Also, it reminded me so much of the "desk" my Dad built for me when I was really young... he put a blackboard on one side of the board and white on the other. I had it all through my childhood and painted and studied at it. I can remember the picture he chalked onto the blackboard - I didn't rub it out for about six months! Trip back to childhood every time I see it, there was no way I was leaving the shop without it really :)

So, this next one is a hibiscus box, inside and out. I like boxes. Never know what to put in them, but there you are. This is the first piece of folk art I have done in about 2 years and am having to relearn all the brush strokes, literally have forgotten what each brush is for, tragic, even forgot how to smoosh! Drastic. Haha!



So, what today? Am still not feeling brill, am not over these anti-bi's yet, tomorrow maybe... May need another day of self-prescribed relaxation - the beach and a box of watercolours beckons.... :)

Sunday, 6 September 2009

Girls Night Out

This is not the next day, it's the same day and I have had a great evening of drinking and dancing until my feet bloody hurt. Fantastic! I feel great. And drunk. I certainly needed that :)

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Death, the Universe and Everything

It's quite amazing how a brush with death concentrates the mind. My mother had a mild stroke this week. In England of course and I am in Aus. She is fine and back home now and sounds so grateful to be there and is making gentle jokes about what a much longer shopping trip it was than she meant it to be. Humour is always a good sign. And now she is fine and back home with my Dad, I can relax here and send the little presents over as an apology and a guilt offering for not being there myself. She tells me she misses her daughter - I know what that is like.

It's quite hard. It makes me think then of all the family I have in other places and how much I want to be with them, and not even with them but be able to have ready access to them in times of need, theirs or mine. I love it here in Aus, I don't think I could actually live anywhere else, certainly not in rainy and light-challenged England. If I was there, of course, I'd be missing my children and the very good friends I have here. I'm not sure I can recommend emmigrating - you can then never go back. Never. You are always torn between two worlds.

I have nephews and nieces in Blighty that I chat to on facespace every so often and see their photo's and laugh at the things they say, they are so YOUNG, and vital and it tears me up sometimes. It would be so nice for my kids to have access to their cousins, they are all of an age and might, might even like each other. It would have given my daughter other choices wouldn't it, for advice and people to talk to when she needed them and I did not live up to her needs.

Oh god, I'm in a bad head space right now. See what I mean? A near death experience really concentrates the mind.

Monday, 31 August 2009

Elimination diet update

I am back from seeing the clinical nutritionist this arvo. Very interesting session. Of course always interesting when you are discussing your own insides and have the undivided attention of a professional who only wants to discuss your insides and not their own at all!

So, the upshot of the whole elimination diet is thus:
Non-coeliac gluten intolerance
Fructose mal-absorption (never heard of this one before this experience)
Possible lactose intolerance (needs further experimentation)
Chocolate intolerance (Good grief! How am I going to SURVIVE!!)

But the cruncher:
Helicobacter pylori bacteria (stomach ulcer bacteria discovered by some Australian chappies)
Dientamoeba fragilis parasite (Yes! PARASITE! Ewwwww!)and
Intestinal flora all out of whack (certainly expected)

One of the symptoms of these various nasties is multiple food sensitivities. Aha! Also, I might have had this lot for 20 years!!

So. Antibiotics are the order of the day. And probiotics. And a fructose malabsorption diet. So, the story continues......

On a much happier note I spent a fortune at the weekend, a spot of retail therapy without a doubt, and am now the proud owner of two books on watercolour painting, The watercolour artists bible by Marylin Scott, The watercolour flower artists bible by Claire Waite Brown and a small watercolour paint box. Also a new deck of tarot cards (Tarot of the Old Path) plus a very interesting book called The tarot directory by Annie Lionnet.

Of course, it's very funny them being called bibles considering how I feel about the pukka bible, so have a giggle at that then, I did :)

I also splashed out on a weejee board (how do you spell that?) Aha! Ouija board, (thank you dict.com and The Goff) so that will be fun.

I also splashed out on a new quilt and cover and cushions for the spare bed, it's just not right having friends to stay and then freezing them overnight, as if it might help preserve them in some way, especially useless if I've only just set light to them in my kitchen!

Did I buy anything else? Oh yes, I did! Bunnings! More plants and mulch. And a trolley to put my paints in so I don't have to keep carrying them around in buckets!

See? Retail therapy of the first order :))))

God, I had a fantastic time. And I am still enjoying my job. AND I didn't catch the childrens colds! Hoorah!

Sunday, 30 August 2009

Eggs are a dangerous breakfast food.

I set fire to the fridge today. It smells quite strongly of barbeques now. And so does everything in it.

I cooked eggs for breakfast, they were quite yummy. The Goff boiled his own, in his northern fashion, which is NOT the right way, so I told him how he should do it. Obviously. To demonstrate this point to him quite thoroughly, I set fire to the fridge. The way you do when you are quite adamant about something. Everyone does that, I told him, I did it on purpose.

I then cooked poached eggs for me. The fridge was still safe at this point and a smoke-free zone. Not for much longer. The egg box was next to the cooking pan, which was on top of a gas ring, which was, quite naturally, alight. All was well. I might point out that it was The Goff who cunningly put the egg box next to an open flame! I'm fairly sure this was all his fault.

Anyway, just a little tidy up before eating, put the eggs away. On top of the other egg box. On the shelf. In the fridge.

The eggs were good. So was my book.

I think I had time to relax and think about life, the Universe and everything. I then went on a little explore because I could smell a weird smell. Like burning candles, but no, everything was fine, neither of the children had lit anything. Time for a cuppa then. Fill kettle, wait for kettle to boil, tum te tum, da dee da, oh, there we go, nice and relaxed, time for the milk....rice milk you know, calcium enriched and good for you, low in fat and quite tasty, you should try it, Oh my GOD, what the bloody hell is going on inside the fridge????!!!!

Smoke billowing out of the fridge, smell of burning electrics or worse, holy crap! Turn off the fridge at the socket, thoughts of "Will I be able to claim this on insurance? Where is the fire extinguisher, do I remember how to use it and how old is this bloody thing?"

The Goff, good on him, abandoned his cuppa and sprang into action, straight out the door! But no, was not running away (phew) was checking the RCD, all correct, nothing popped out. How strange. Pulled the fridge out (not easy, it's wedged in its hole, thankfully on wheels) Oh my god, look at the dust on the floor! And is that a bit of broken plate and how long has that cockroach bait been there?

Doors and windows open, extractor fan on, door to the hall closed because that smoke alarm is going to scream at us otherwise. Off to the bedroom for a torch (don't ask). Out to the garage for a screwdriver ("It's a star shape" "That's a posidrive woman!") Do battle with the stacked chopping boards and cake coolers for the extinguisher. Run off for the vacuum cleaner (if any insurance men are coming here, they are NOT going to find a dirty floor, I can tell you!) May as well wash the floor now then, as the fridge is out....

Shine torch into depths of fridge workings expecting to find charred bits or smoking bits or melted bits. Actually nothing to report, everything cool - literally. Strange. Ah well, may as well wash it now it's out of the hole and vacuum inside its guts :)

Shall we turn it back on to see what happens? The Goff thinking to take one more look inside because this is a puzzle and a conundrum. Where is the fire? Oh! There it is! Smoke billowing out of the fridge, smell of burning electrics or worse, holy crap! (Have we been here before? Deja vu! A glitch in the matrix!) The Goff blowing into the fridge to try and clear all the damn smoke, good god, what's that alight now?! Egg box. Glowing and producing roasted eggs. Not to mention melting the inside of the fridge, which has a nice brown bubble in its wall to prove it's story to it's grandchildren.

Egg boxes still alight! Into sink, douse with water, crack a few eggs to see if cooked yet! Take a photograph for facebook!

Moral of the story, no more eggs at breakfast time, I just can't handle the stress!

Of course, I have had previous firey events in my little kitchen :) And me a safety and health professional! Har de har!

I have tried and TRIED to put a link in here to the 14th April 2008, Upgrades versus Downgrades, to no avail! Which just goes to show I am not HALF as good at IT as I am at setting things on fire!!! Carrie's Musings: Upgrades versus downgrades. Yip Yip! I've done it!!!!

Monday, 24 August 2009

Mondayitis

That little salt shaker at the beginning of the last post is sweet isn't it? :)

I am having Mondayitis, what I used to think was the result of a hard and drunken weekend. But as I haven't had an alcoholic beverage for a month, it can't be alcohol-induced can it? Drat it.

I don't want to turn this blog into a whinge-fest but I feel jolly rotten and have done ever since I started adding foods back in! Eggs are fine. Corn is fine. Tomatoes are fine. Peanut butter is fine, I think. I'm not sure about soya.

Fruit, milk, wheat, chocolate and citrus are NOT fine. I have yet to try yeast and beef. I must admit to having been putting off the yeast.

I have spent the last 18 days with pains and bloating, tired and headaches to varying degrees! I have been up in the middle of the night with cramps, or just awake and consequently like a piece of limp lettuce the next day. I have been a prime example of presenteeism for quite a lot of that 18 days. I'm exhausted and I need a holiday!!! I need a glass of wine! I need to NOT be the designated driver and get blooted! And to add insult to injury, I've stopped losing weight altogether! How is that possible???? Good Grief.

Ah well, on to more cheerful things, I have started to actually enjoy my job, so that is a bonus. In a couple of weeks I will be starting a "Train the Trainer" course, which is what was recommended to me that I do about three years ago and now I have the opportunity to do it, so I am very happy about that! I am always very happy learning new stuff. I am one of lifes perpetual students :)

My plan is to qualify myself as much as possible and move on to another safety job, I fancy engineering of some sort. I started off my working career a thousand years ago in engineering, it would be nice to give that a shot from a different angle. It's getting a bit distressing how many people leave this place, another two this week and both are young and dynamic and will go very far. That just leaves - who - behind?



On a happier note, I have started painting classes again. Folk Art. I needed a creative outlet and somehow just never get round to it at home. I have all the gear - very carefully stored in the garage but unless I have a deadline I don't do anything! Hopeless. Anyway, here are some I did a couple of years ago when I was still painting, before I went loopy :)



I used to do "real" art at TAFE (college) and did an Advanced Certificate in Fine Art, and am rather ashamed of the folk art as a result. It's just cheating really. I am somewhat happier if I take the design and do other stuff with it, which I do do. I want to get to the point where I can use my own photos to make my own designs. It is a bit difficult painting from the dining room table though due to a lack of space, which is why I am back at the class, it's great being there with the ladies and chatting while painting - but it's not really ART is it? :) It satisfies the urge to a degree though, so it's all good. For now. And I do like producing nice painted boxes!



Ending on a very sad note, one of the painting teachers that I had in TAFE died last week. He was young and very, very depressed. And now he's gone. What can be said? Nothing at all. It is horrible to think of him gone. Horrible and very sad. I salute you Tim.

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Food intolerances and elimination diets



For as long as I can remember, I have had problems with my stomach. If I was a child now, I would be taken to a specialist by my loving parents and diagnosed with something or other. I wasn't however and now have various food intolerance's and IBS and the dreaded piles as a result. Not that I am blaming anyone, understand that, it is just the way the cookie crumbles, born too early medically speaking. So, now, after a lifetime of self-diagnoses and self-help, interspersed with professional help every so often when it all got too much for me, I have decided to find out "once and for all", what the bloody hell is going on with ye olde bod.



I have had various invasive tests and surgical procedures, all to no avail, or rather, there is nothing physically wrong. Nothing sinister growing, no major disease etc, etc. So, I am free to think I am a nuisance to myself and everyone around me, but I have more self confidence than that! Ha ha! So, what is the next logical step?

I have consulted a nutritionist. I have been given an elimination diet to follow for 32 days before seeing the (very young and skinny!) chap again. I have eaten the recommended lamb, chicken, brown rice, about 10 vegetables, water and sea salt for ten days. The first three were completely taken over with a headache, the following seven were FANTASTIC! Energy, wellness in stomach and head! I can't remember how long it is since I felt so GRRRRREAT actually! Marvellous. Was wonderful, if boring, and if I ever see another slow roasted carrot I'm going to have to kill someone! But all good.


After the ten days, every 48 hours, a new food from a list is added in. If there is no reaction then I get to keep the food, yay! If a bad reaction occurs (pears OMG) then drop the food, and wait 48 hours before adding in the next food.

OK, first on the list - pears. The fruit with the highest fructose content. The day of eating was OK, but I woke up with a case of 24 hour stomach cramps plus the inevitable. Lovely. Right on Baby! Fructose intolerance, didn't see that one coming! Next on the list is milk. In fact I'm off for a glass of the cold, white frothy stuff right now. My breath is bated! My stomach awaits the onslaught.

The whole process will take a minimum of 32 days, longer if I am going to be really pedantic and the way the weight is dropping off me right now, I may be! Ha ha! I reckon you need to take your weight loss advantages wherever you can, and obviously this is a major advantage right now. No sugar, no alcohol, no delicious buttery toast, no chocolate! no crispy, crunchy, fatty yumminess of any description etc, etc, etc!!!! I've lost about 4kg in ten days. Absolutely bloody brilliant! And as this is to carry on for at least a month, I am hopeful it won't sneak back on - I live in hope, am ever hopeful! :))))


Actually, the hardest thing has been the lack of tea - hence the three day headache! Not a coffee headache, a TEA headache! And breakfast is the hardest meal to find, but it's not too bad and worth the effort I can tell you :)

Ideally, and the best way to carry out an elimination diet is each food should be added in the same way, not just one food from each suspect group. So, I shall go ahead with the approved list, go back and see the young skinny man and see what should happen next - I can't not eat fruit for the duration of my sorry life, lets face it! After seeing the chappy, will attempt to add in each food before I eat it properly again - see? A lifetime of self-diagnosis and self-help is not easy to discard! At least I know what foods to go back to if my stomach rebels at any time! Which is a relief, I can tell you. Bloody stomach! :( But it's mine and I love it, dear little thing! I believe it wants to be a train driver when it grows up, aaahhhh.

Did I mention a poo sample was sent off to Sydney for analysis as well? That was fun! See? All angles covered. Possibly I am just the ultimate food faddist (the Goff will be nodding at this point) but maybe not and maybe this will help and lets face it I feel fine and am not sick, au contraire, am in the rudest of health :))))) I am sure they will get used to me at work, rolling around the office holding my stomach and groaning! And I've come to like rice milk, I really have!

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Serious research, trial group size = 1

I realised one of those very obvious facts of life today. They hit me every so often, and I wonder if everyone else has realised them. Or if I've made an amazing discovery. So here it is.

The reason so many of us adults are overweight is because (And you know there's been a lot of research put into this, I think the result was remote controls wasn't it? They should ask me, I know the answer! Pick me, pick me!) as kids, you had to be torn away from your lovely pastime. You were playing very happily and had to be made to stop to come and eat, didn't you? Remember your Mum telling you dinner was ready and you were not wanting to stop travelling around the world, or flying to the moon or winning the olympics. It was as bad as having to stop to go to the toilet wasn't it? You'd be hopping up and down and practically wetting yourself before you'd stop and go to the loo. Or was that just me?

So, it was a major bore, in my experience, being made to wash your hands and sitting at the table, "nicely" and eating that dreadful food! Bits of fat and random chewy bits! Disgusting meatloaf and broad beans! Bleuch! You had to wait for everyone to finish and if you snuck off to the loo to spit the wretched food out, somehow your Mum knew what you'd done! And if you dropped it on the floor for the dog, the dog wouldn't eat it either! Or made so many telltale chomping, lip-smacking noises he gave the whole game away and then got banned from the room. And of course your Mum was an excellent cook, the same as my Mum probably, but somehow, you didn't find out about that until you were about 13. Or more.

I have so many memories of dreadful food and awful meals as a young child. Of being too full, of having to finish everything on the plate, of having to sit at the table by myself for an hour after the meal until I did finish everything on the plate! I don't know what my mother was thinking of quite frankly. But all that desensitisation to food and brainwashing to dread mealtimes didn't work! I'm still obsessed with food and its deliciousness!

Now what happens? Now eating and food IS the lovely pastime! Now we plan our meals days in advance, we think of delicious tidbits to have between meals and after meals, we buy wonderful wines to go with the meal. We LIVE for food! Or is that just me? I still hate those random chewy bits and lumps of fat, but I'm the cook and I can cut them off! Broad beans are OFF the menu! In fact that's the only bit of brainwashing that actually took.

So there we have it. The problem now is that eating has become the playtime and we have to stop to do other stuff, like hanging out the washing, going to work, vacuuming. Maybe the problem is we DON'T play anymore and meals are the break from work and one of the most fun parts of the day.

So, is that ground-breaking research or what? Have I figured out the obesity problem?

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Bill and Bob

Had a brilliant night last night. Not alcohol-fuelled either! One of my dear friends is in a new relationship, to quote facebook, and my relationship statusee and I went out for the evening with my friend and her statusee. Had a great time. Her statusee and my statusee, lets just call them Bill and Bob for the purposes of anonymity and brevity, got on like a house on fire. Excellent :o)

We ate at a restaurant we have only just discovered, and the food was pretty damn good, we watched the rugby and the right team won - well, we were supporting different sides, but everyone seemed to agree on who deserved to win, and win they did. Bill and Bob were very diplomatic with each other over the different sides and had loads in common as they have both played rugby in their prime - not that they are past their prime, you understand? :o) Just a bit more knobbly, wobbly and injured! Mainly due to the rugby playing in fact.

My friend and I will still have to catch up soon to talk about the important girlie stuff, as all boys talk about is rugby and beer, which is weird, don't you think? It's absolutely not possible to talk properly with the boys there, but boy, there certainly were a lot of laughs last night.

Thursday, 2 July 2009

Witchy world

The Goff and I went to see "The Year One" with Jack Black. If you are tempted to go, don't bother. Unless of course you are a big fan of Mr JB and love his movies, then you might - might like this one. The night was a bit of a disaster all round really. You know how sometimes you go out and the night turns into a complete romp, it might have been an impromtu get-together and turns out to be a BLAST! Well, this was the opposite of that really. Planned night turning into a "oh god, why did we bother?".

It was a Tuesday, which is called "bargain night" for you Dear Reader who is not an Aussie - this means half price night at the flicks. Of course this means maximum saturation by teenager. 10 coach loads, in uniform, to be precise - where did they come from? Goodness knows, but come they did, in their droves. A HERD of teenagers. A FLOCK of teenagers. A veritable GAGGLE of NOISE.

They did eventually quiet down for the movie itself, so that's good - sigh of relief, can now hear self think. But, oh dear, what is self thinking? Crap bloody movie, that is what self is thinking! Good grief. I knew we should have gone to see "The Hangover" instead!

Anyway, on to better things, my book for one. I am astounded by Anne Rice. What an amazing author. She writes so WELL. You care about her characters, you are enthralled in her characters. Where does she get her ideas from? How does she carry them so well for so long? The plot is excellent and you have no idea where it is going, the book pulls you in and makes you late for work every morning, makes your lunch run late every day and goodness knows what's happening in the world, because I am oblivious to it (alright, I know, more oblivious than normal!). Everything is whizzing right on by and I am in this witchy world to the exclusion of everything else around me.

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice is the current poison. I have phoned the book shop and ordered the next book in the series,"Lasher", just to make sure I can go from one to the other :) I have torn myself away from New Orleans to make a quick survey of the online world before I plunge back in. i would say that this book is better than her vampire books, waaaaay betterer!

Monday, 29 June 2009

Food Dude

I visited the food chappy today. He has recommended I go on an elimination diet. Sounds fine? 10 days of eating lamb, brown rice and about 6 vegetables and filtered water. That's it. Breakfast is going to be a challenge. Then 12 foods being introduced one at a time every 48 hours to see the effects. Oh, and sending a poo off to Sydney! Lucky them. Alternatively, I could send them an item of furniture, I am sure they would be MUCH happier with a stool rather than a poo. And I have a spare one of those in the shed, coincidentally and fortuitously! I wonder how much it will cost to wrap? Of course, this does mean NO ALCOHOL for 34 days. Joy. On the bright side, I am going to lost STACKS of weight!

I can't start until the Goff and I come back from Brisbane in four weeks time though, that would just be taking the Michael. So, I will spend the interim eating a "wholesome and refreshing diet" to get ready for the anti-alcohol onslaught! Alternatively, I could go on an alcohol and chocolate binge.....

Sunday, 28 June 2009

Sad films....




I went to the pictures last night. When I was a child I went to the "pictures", does one still do that? Is it the "movies" nowadays? This was definitely the pictures though. The Windosr in Nedlands was built in the 1930's (OLD for Aus!) and is still all olde worlde, smelled of 1930's butter too. Anyway, I have tried to find a photo of the cinema but to no avail, Google has failed me. Apparently they tried to put it onto the Heritage list but due to "unsympathetic interior and exterior alterations", it was declined. It is certainly tired and the seats aren't the best and there is no frontage, which might be why there is no photo... anyway, it was a different experience to the normal movie cinema, which was good, especially for a period film with subtitles.

The film was sad. I try to avoid sad films because they make me cry and I did cry. So did the woman behind me, I heard her. At least I cried quietly! I always cry when someones great love dies and the person is left alone. Coco stayed alone for 60 years. 60 years!!! How awful, dreadful, and very, very sad. She may have built an empire and been an iconic figure etc and the style of our clothes today may well be because of her bravery and groundbreaking style back then, but 60 years alone! OMG.

I also cried when I watched the film about Beatrix Potter, Miss Potter, howled in fact. Quietly though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMDMD7q101I



But the film about Jane Seymour and Superman, (there I am getting my actors muddled up with their characters, of course) I did NOT cry quietly! Gosh, I do remember that one, I was inconsolable for days after that one!!! I did watch it at home though, so didn't do the howly thing in the cinema. In fact I have to try to find that one....will Google fail me again this morning? No! FOUND IT!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_JmUMkLy7g

Somewhere in Time.


I watched it in 1980 early something or other, when my husband was on nights and I was by myself in the house and howled and howled!!!! I cried so much I had to phone my Mum (not the most sympathetic person in the world, but I was pretty desperate) and blubbered on the phone to her for ages! I'm not even going to watch that U-tube preview, just in case!

Anyway, Coco Avant Chanel wasn't THAT bad, but still.... 60 years - what an awful thought :(

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Lovely Day :o)

Well, I've had a lovely day today. Ran an OSH Committee meeting that went very well, had a pleasant drive there and back in the wind and the rain listening to a new CD that the GoffMan got for me, all cocooned in my swishy car. Yes, I have come to love my new car! It's so glidey when you drive it, it's so new and shiny!! :o)



After work I had a few things to do and just pottered around the neighbourhood doing just that. I adore having no time agenda at all. I pootled to the supermarket, wandered across to the bank, mosied on down to Mt Lawley and smooched up and down Beaufort St, one of my favourite places to be.

It's winter, so I get to wear my favourite coat, ankle length, black, thick stuff, battling my cheap airport umbrella, all good fun!


Managed to resist going in to the Dome for a coffee (not supposed to be drinking coffee right now) but could not resist just popping in to Planet Books, always a dangerous thing to do, and buying a copy of Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide - all five books in one! I've not read any of them yet, so this will be a treat :o)


The GoffMan cooked the dinner and dished up a very acceptable chicken stir-fry with rice, yummity yumm!


Then spent the rest of the evening watching Brad Pitt (he's delicious isn't he?) in a movie while picking away at the computer, which is good to have something else to do at the same time 'cos as you may remember the internet is really slow until 1st July! So, here we all are, the GoffMan and his anklebiters and yours truly, in the warm, with the wind and rain howling (and boy, is it doing that!) and we are all well and healthy and happy.


With enough of the bad stuff to appreciate the good stuff :o) Sooper.


So now I am off to read Anne Rice, The Witching Hour and to look at the growing pile of books yet to be read on my bedside table, Tim Winton Breath and now Douglas Adams :o) All good. A satisfying day.

Sad News and Glad News

You never do know what is coming.... yesterday my neighbour, who is a friend, told me she had just relapsed and had tested positive for leukemia once again. Two years ago, she nearly died from the treatment and now has to go through it all again. I would be so scared.... as I am sure she is. Older lady, GP herself, what a hard thing to have to go through. And of course, there is nothing I can do apart from give her a hug. Whatever happens is your own trial and others can comfort you but in the end, it is your experience, good or bad and you're in it by yourself.

Then this morning I learnt that one of my very good friends is now "in a relationship" (lovely phrasing, thank you facebook!) and that is the most WONDERFUL news! So, I am much cheered but my poor friend next door is away into hospital this morning and I send her my love and best wishes. Good luck.

Monday, 22 June 2009

Soothing blue boats

I have only recently "discovered" Anne Rice. I have just started The Witching Hour and my word, it's excellent already! That woman can certainly write up a storm. The Vampire Chronicles was marvellous and I really enjoyed it, although by the third book she was getting a bit strange...

I think it is totally amazing how some people have all these stories in their heads. And are able, of course, to convey the picture from their own head to yours via the page. In such a way that you become so involved with the characters that they become a part of yourself. What a legacy. Tim Winton has just won the Miles Franklin award for the fourth time, awesome! What an achievment. I have "Breath" here, ready to read, but Anne Rice snuck in there first!

I went to the movies with my son last night, to see Dylan Moran in a weird, black movie, oh my gosh, we laughed so hard! "A movie with me in it". Check it out, "A black comedy about screenwriting and slightly fatal accidents"

http://www.beyondhomeentertainment.com.au/afilmwithmeinit/a-film-1.swf

There is a preview on this website, which I unfortunately can't view as the dear man I'm living with mopped up the whole months allocation of uber amounts of gigabytes in two weeks watching the rugby! All well and good, you may say, what better thing is there to spend your gigabytes on? Ha! Until 1st July, I am down to uber slow while The Man uses his other computer and his own broadband! Now that mine's all gone! Chuh! Men!

Anyway, it was an excellent nights viewing. Basically, nearly everyone dies in the most strange and unlikely manner. Only 97 minutes long though, thank goodness, because by the time the fifth dead body comes around, you really want done with it all!

Tomorrow is Orientation Day once again. They come round every two weeks and this will be the second talk I've given. OSH. Such a lovely subject. Really riveting, you know? The height of interest. So far I've rewritten the existing talk and redone some of the power point slides, I've only given the second half though. I'm being eased in! My boss gave the first half last time, the aim is then for me to do the first half this time and then Bob's your uncle, I can take over and do the lot. An hour long presentation on the legislation of occupational safety and health. THERE! I knew it! Your eyes just closed, didn't they? Own up!

What joy. I have decided to wear really funky clothes to keep everyones interest up. Maybe one of those waggling head bands, with feelers or tentacles of some sort? I think if there's waving and trembling going on as I'm talking, it will keep everyone awake. I've added some startling pictures to the presentation, I tried putting in zooming effects but that's not allowed. Not Corporate enough. Ahem.

Actually, Red Nose Day is coming up..... that gives me a few ideas....

Anyway, here is a nice soothing blue picture for you, I know you got all agitated there with the thought of an hour long OSH presentation, given by an idiot in a red nose! (It took 10 full minutes to upload this, so I hope you appreciate it!)

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Books for swapping..... and Yeast, lovely!

I have some books here that I bought new and didn't really enjoy and so stopped reading and therefore don't want to keep but are in excellent condition.... At the moment I sell them to a second hand book shop for credit on their books for a criminally low price and then usually forget to redeem before the due date. Which is a tad frustrating. Is there any other system out there? A swap system maybe? Any ideas anyone? Currently I have The Abhorsen Chronicles by Garth Nix, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch plus others of course, does seem a waste. Can't recommend them though really.... Of course being in Aus doesn't help my case!

Anyway, on to other news, I am much flabbergasted by recent developments in health - my own! That is one thing about a blog - it is very selfish! The things I have learnt today certainly apply to my children as well, and if I can get them to read this stuff, all well and good, if not, I will do this thing myself and see what happens, probably best anyway.

All very mysterious.

I read an article in last weeks weekend paper called "The Food Dude" about a chap in the UK called Ian Marber, a nutritionist with a company called The Food Doctor. It was such a tease, that article. Why did they run it?, is my main question. Is the guy here giving a talk or something? Not that I can see, and the article is extrememly interesting but does not have enough info in to actually DO anything from. What next? is my next question.

Half the damn day on Google, that's what next and the discovery of another chap here who seems to know what he's talking about in the same line as Ian Marber, Blake Graham from Nutritional Healing. Have attempted to make an appointment. Have to wait until Monday for that though.

In an earlier blog I wrote about the extreme tirdeness I was suffering from, thought it was ibuprofen in the end, but I still have it, just not quite as bad as it was, I have actually given up and now just go with the flow. Tired today? Then never mind, will probably be better tomorrow, don't stress over it. That has been what I've been doing. However, chronic tiredness along with all the other symptoms I have, all varied and weird and seemingly not connected to any one body part, are ALL spookily listed as symptoms of yeast over population. OMG. including a major health problem I had in 1983. Including all sorts of things I have had as a child and on into adulthood. Cripes.

I know I am prone to launching myself off at tangents for various crackpot schemes both mental and physical but this seems worth investigating a bit deeper. I know my son has some weird and wonderful things a bit dodgy with himself too and even my daughter, who I don't know at all of course, has a few of the things that I know of, on this list. And they both are of the age where they have had antibiotics prescribed for them from a very early age. And my son was on broad spectrum, high dose antibiotics for months and months for acne.... poor kid. Heck. It's enough to make a mother squirm with guilt!

Ah well, I'll keep you informed of progress....in fact here is a link to the very interesting article I have read this morning: http://medigenesis.com/readingroom/document.jsp?id=1006
And this is the chap I'm trying to get in to see:
http://www.nutritional-healing.com.au/content/home.php

Pip, pip

By the way, the Goff Man spent most of today laughing at me and my propensity (great word) for fads! I know he's right! I just can't help myself, I swear! My son did not laugh, he was interested.... oh dear, poor lad, he's got my fad-disease hasn't he?

Facebook woes

There is gnashing of teeth and much swearing and cussing in my house this week. The GoffMan has been banned by Face Book. Told he was using a fake name and therefore had his account disabled! Well, the agony! You have no idea. This is a traumatic event. Especially as it is his real name and has been for the last 45 years, as he keeps pointing out to anyone who'll listen. As if we didn't believe him. A very long and scathing email was sent to facebook themselves, no answer back yet. But mainly of course, he spends a lot of time on facebook,it's the first thing he does each morning, checks up on the who, what, where of his zillion friends around the globe, it is part of who he is, so this has been very, very bad! Believe me. He has started a new account, under a fake name! Just to prove what wank it all is, I believe. This one has not been discovered yet......

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Thank you





I would like to say "Thank you" to a whole list of people. I have been to Geraldton for the weekend and stayed with my friend Erica who beds and boards me in her gorgeous house. I have been to the Engagement Party of Donna and Kim, and was driven up and down Geraldton by my friend Carolyn and her husband Rob. You always think that Geraldton is tiny and no-where is far, but at midnight when it's raining and you've all been out all night, actually it IS quite far from one end of the town to the other. And they did take me back twice cos I forgot my camera, to discover that I forgot it twice and it was actually in Perth on the computer table. Although I did remember the charger!

I would certainly like to say Thank You for the excellent reception I got at the Hillcrest Aged Care facility. I am a nuisance coming up from Head Office in Perth (it even sounds a bloody nuisance) but they were friendliness itself and were falling over themselves to show me around and give me cups of tea and scones!

I met someone there I knew from my childrens school days when we lived in Gero, had a big long chat (where I sidestepped questions about my daughter quite niftily I thought!) and a had a hug when I left, really nice. Made me want to live up there again.

On the way back, it got dark around Badgingarra, and so the rest of the journey was quite surreal, it is already akin to a five hour meditation, doing it in the dark is a whole other level, let me tell you. Especially accompanied by Infected Mushroom and Pendulum at ear bleeding levels. The sunset was bloody fantastic and the smell as you drive down that long road at dusk and into the night is absolutely gorgeous! I love that drive :o)



The road trains, that so many people complain about, are marvellous. I had more than one driver help me to overtake them. They touch their brakes, move over an inch or two and indicate on the near side of the truck once. And away you go! Brilliant! Bearing in mind it is a one track road. It's the most bloody ridiculous road going to the second largest City in WA, Perth being the largest. It is a very busy road and goodness knows how there aren't fatalities by the score every day! I REALLY enjoy whinging about that road! It's one of my favourite things to do every time I get back! So I would particularly like to thank the driver of the road train that was loaded with all those weird rusty metal things and the yellow markings, who actively let me go past him (her?) twice, (coffee stop). And the drivers of all the other road trains that are really fantastic and have a bloody terrible time with the bloody caravans.

Did I mention the bloody caravans? Good god almighty! They make my blood boil! I may have a new subject to whinge about mightily whenever I return! Apparently they are called the "grey nomads". Whenever it gets a bit parky in Perth, they all flock off to warmer climes, bloody hell! Unfortunately, the reason they are called "grey" is that's because they are the next intake to the aged care facilities and they are god-awful drivers, with 4WD's and a fucking big caravan on the back. Road trains let you go past, when, let's face it, you make no difference to them trailing along behind them whatsoever. They are huge and they are not going to even notice a ten km tail back, are they? But they are helpful and polite, seemingly. The grey nomads, on the other hand, are NOT. They will deliberately block other cars and trucks from overtaking them. I kid you not. They can have 36m, three truck road trains thundering along, right up their arses and they still won't let anything past!!! You have NO IDEA how frustrating that is. Or maybe you do. Or maybe you are one of the pestilential bunch yourself! If so, for gods sake, MOVE OVER!!!

One particularly bad one, (probably bald as well as grey!) moved into the middle of the road every time it was clear. When another car was coming, he (she?) moved back into his/her own lane and when the cars were gone, moved back into the fucking middle of the two lane highway! The wheels of the caravan were over the line! Over the line!!! Impossible to overtake. I managed it in the end, but god almighty, my adrenaline levels took 15 minutes to drop back down. And on a five hour journey, the difference between travelling at 80km/h and 110km/h is a huge fucking deal.

Well, my blood pressure has gone back up just writing about it! Hahahaha. Of course, if the road was better with enough overtaking lanes, or even SOME overtaking lanes, the idiots on the road would be appeased! Hahahaha!

By the way, the party was full of police, it being a police woman getting hitched, and they ALL agreed with the awfulness of the caravan drivers! Thankfully, on the way home, there were none. They are all going north. The next migration back down south is due around November/December I suppose. Look out then!

So, a big thank you to Erica, Carolyn, Rob, Donna, Jo, and the patient road train drivers!

And by the way, Erica's dogs are GORGEOUS!! :o)

Monday, 18 May 2009

Hello!

Where to start, where to start, where to start....

Kettle blowing up? Excellent author publishing third book? Enjoyment in new job? Relief at little brothers medical all-clear? Joy in youngest son? Happiness at losing 1.1kg this week? Anticipation at seeing friends this weekend in Geraldton? Sharing most excellent little book shop come coffee shop? Laughter at the excellent movie "The boat that rocked"?

Hmmmmm.....

After reading the scholarly books by Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins, I realised, maybe for the first time in my life, that it is a definite possibility that there may be no life after death. (Thought I'd start on a nice light, uncontroversial subject!) To say that this upset me a tad is a slight understatement. Over my life, I have progressed (and it is progression as far as I am concerned, progression through education, but no doubt I am going to get the bible bashers leave me uplifting comments again) from a very devout tiny child that was educated in the Catholic mould and cried every Easter, through a questioning process to a very devout believer in spiritualism that led me to adopt vegetarianism for 10 years for moral reasons alone, through to a soul-believing athiest. Now however I realise the possibility that there may be nothing at the end of the non-existant light-filled tunnel, that it may be total extinguishment. That there may be no soul. This is not a good thought. I am not happy with this logical progression.

Consequently, I have talked to a few of my friends and asked their opinion of the meaning of life and the purpose of life and the end of life and what they think. I never ask "religion" type questions of anyone. It is much too controversial and people have very set views that they cannot explain or have never thought about and consequently are very woolly over and there is certainly no giving them an alternative view, so what is the point? I never do it, I am happy for you to believe what you believe and for me to believe what I believe and call it quits. (Which is now making me wonder, am I being closed minded for not listening to the god brigade and discussing with them their and my beliefs and exploring together? Instead of closing the door when they knock? Politely! Don't think I am rude!)

Also of course, there has been my own mother, who basically said to me in my spiritualist phase - "I believe what I believe. Don't disturb my beliefs. I am happy believing this and I don't want you to challenge it" I have never mentioned my own beliefs to my mother again. I will not disturb her or anyone elses beliefs. A lot of people need those beliefs to function in life. I would never knowingly cause another pain or disequilibrium. But this is my blog and I can suppose all I like, it's allowed.

But this was an exception, I was in some mental anguish. As ever.

I am still surveying my friends on this point and I can see this will be a life long quest for information and opinion and belief. And lets face it, that is all it can be, faith and belief, because for all that so many people of god spout all sorts of catechisms at you, no-one knows a damn thing. It all depends on how well you were indoctrinated in childhood. Or it depends on how much of an enquiring mind you have and how far you are prepared to search and how much you want to know and how far you are prepared to stretch your own beliefs and how open you are to new ideas.

So, my dear friend in Gero, that I will be seeing this weekend and who is always the breath of the north wind - the north wind brings change I understand? and she is from the north of England too, very appropriate. Her opinion is that when you die, you die and the way that we live on is through the memories of our loved ones. I was totally surprised at that. I had no idea.

Another friend believes in life after death and the carrying on of the soul but has no idea why but is a very firm believer.

Another friend had the woolliest thoughts about fairies and god, all entangled, again, I had no idea! I really wondered if she had everr thought anything through in her life.

As I said, I am still surveying and will no doubt report progress on this because it is very important to me.

My immediate thought and feeling when this possibility struck me - and strike it did, like a thump in the mental solar plexus - was "Why?" Why am I here doing the things I am doing if this is the one and only go at this I am going to get? Why does anyone go to work and continue with the drudgery of day-to-day life (not that I consider my life drudgery, far from it). Why are we not all rampaging through life taking from it as much as we possibly can? Why do we put up with crap, quite frankly. Why am I not travelling around Europe, which I would dearly love to do, why do I not sell everything, throw myself on the mercy of the Universe and just go and do what I WANT to do? If this is the one and only go and there is nothing after this, then WHY?

The only reason I am happy doing not everything is that I have always believed I could do that next time around. No need to worry about that, because next time around, I may be able to be a musician, academic, traveller, dolphin, singer, whatever. But what if this is it? The end. What then?

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Challenges

Well, here I am again. Four weeks on the job - new - completed. Everything is fine. I have got used to the new car and have stopped feeling so traitorous for abandoning Benji. Have named the new car Daphne, or Daf for short. The number plate is 1DAF961, so I'm not being very adventerous in the naming department really. And I was very happy to see a 96 in there, which is a very propitious number! It has feng shui :o), well, really, if you just reverse it, it makes me feel quite naughty! Two Chickie Babes, out here for a leisurely drive....hehe. Bring it on Daf, you sexy thing you!

On to more mundane matters, I still can't figure out why my iPhone battery is kaput after less than 12 hours, especially as I am not really using it yet...and it is brand, spanking new! Ah well, the mysteries of IT are many and varied and all, lets face it and be brutally honest, totally beyond me.

On a professional front, I have to see a woman at work. I haven't managed it yet. I tried to meet with her yesterday and maybe her karma is keeping her safe, as if I had seen her, I might have passed on this stinkerr of a cold, but anyway, that's not my point.

I am wondering how some people can be so bloody rude and get away with it. Postmistresses spring to mind. As do Newsagent counter workers. They are like a separate breed. I would have to include some doctors receptionists I've met, and a couple of Director's PA's. And now this dear old soul. (I am resisting the profanities you see, I am doing well aren't I?) I know this isn't personal, as she has never met me, or spoken to me, or even communicated with me in any way, despite emails and phone calls galore. It is the role. Occupational Safety and Health. "Oh good grief (or other expletives, I'll leave you to fill this in) not the Occupational Safety and Health yobbo's again! Yoiks! Methinks I will ignore, and then vacate the premises to make sure I do not have to meet the bounders! Tally Ho, I'm orf!"

And so, when I "dropped in" to introduce myself (in my best bib and tucker, new suit, cost $300 from NoniB - it's a corker!) to the blister. With my best "Hello, I was in the neighbourhood and thought I'd drop by and how pleased I am to meet you" smile, I was stymied at the first post! STOP! Do not pass GO, do not pick up $200! Receptionist (lovely lady) went in to the office to see if Madame could see me and came out again in a very short while with a "No, I'm afraid Madame Pompadore will not be able to see you" she didn't add "ever" but there was a hint of an everishness about her, that I'm quite sure I detected.....

So, back to the drawing board then. Tried phone calls, and voicemail messages, tried emails and making appointments for a phone conversation (good grief). All to no avail. Ignored the lot as if it was so much breeze. Ah, the spice and variety of life. It's all a challenge, hey what?

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Ah, Benji.......

I have been very surprised at the strength of my feeling at the loss of Benji. I am upset and out of sorts. I feel adulterous and disloyal. I feel fear, verging on panic at the loss of my protector, boon companion, friend and source of comfort, the one who was always there, ready to transport me away from any situation, unpleasant or sufficient for the moment. "Who is Benji" I hear you ask? Benji is my friend and I have an irrational amount of feelings for him.

When other peoples pets die, someone who has no pets cannot understand the grief and desolation that the berieved one goes through. I think my feelings for Benji mirror that. I am not saying that they equal it, a pet, after all is a living, breathing, loving animal. My Benji was not. I must have put a lot of my self into Benj for this to have happened. I am not 100% sure how it has happened, to tell you the truth. How can I have such strong feelings of separation for my car?

My first car. The only car that has ever had my name on the registration papers. My car, clear and outright for the last four years. My car who has taken me to all sorts of places and parties and dinners and revels, and who has, more importantly, got me home safely again each and every time. Benj, who cost me over $200 in parking fees because I parked him in the wrong carpark at the airport for the weekend. Benj, who has had the most expensive car wash every six months as part of his service. Benj, who was the direct cause of meeting one of my dearest friends at the car service garage - the lovely Angela.

I am desperately looking for a photo of Benj and am trawling through hundreds and hundreds of photo's of smiling faces and revels and parties, and it was the most excellent Benj who took me to all those places and was the one who got me safely home again. The Club; the soccer trip; rugby games; my son in hospital; the Robbie Williams concert; endless, excellent parties; the Rotto ferry; Margaret River, more than once; three times to Geraldton, to a reunion with a dear friend; back and forth on each and every Christmas Day; Adventure World; the airport for trips to Melbourne and Sydney and England and Singapore; friends 40th's and 50th's and 30th's!!! Mandurah; to have tattoo's; several Christmas in July do's; Yanchep; Moore River; at least two weddings; diving - oh the diving! I've had the boot full of diving gear and swimming gear and I've moved house and had the whole car bursting at the seams with clothes and CD's and the TV and so many other precious things! I've taken my son places, my daughter places, the Goff when he was blind drunk and totally incapable of walking, I've taken the Goff's children places, and of course, every single day I have driven my Benj to work and left him in the car park and told him to "Be safe, and wait for me to come back and don't go off and play without me" every single day. Every. Single. Day. Of. Our. Life. Together.

Two weeks after the breakup of my marriage, I bought Benj, by myself and with my own money and what a bargain he was! What a fantastic car! Two years old and only 7000km on the clock! Still smelled like a new car, still shiny and new, and MINE! All mine. Beautiful, lovely Benji. I cried all over the salesman, who wouldn't let me drive it until he had driven to a quiet street, I must have been a complete mess!! Poor man! His name was Joe, I remember. Well done Joe, you sold me a bloody good car!

Well. I guess that's why I am a tad upset and feeling a traitor for letting him go. He is full of memories. Four years worth or marvellous, fantastic, wonderful, excellent memories. That's why.

But now, I have had to hand the beautiful, faithful Benji on. He is no longer mine. I have a new car, that is not mine and does not have my name on the rego. It belongs to the company and is NOT such a good car as my Benj!! My Benj had SOUL! My Benj had STYLE! My Benj was a BEAUT CAR!! My Benj went like SHIT off a SHOVEL!!! My Benj left everything, EVERYTHING for DEAD at the lights! This new car is just a piece of metal on wheels. and it drives like a bloody tank!!!

And this begs the question - what am I going to be like when I move out of my house?!!!!!! My beautiful little house, that is everything I ever wanted or needed or imagined in my IDEAL HOME. The first house that I have ever chosen by myself for myself. My name is on the papers......



I am just off for a little cry now......

Monday, 23 February 2009

Giggling

It woz me birfdee las Fursdie. Bin drunk evry nite since!!! OOh, me poor ed! An tired? Gor blimey, KNACKERED, is more like it!

Ah well, paying for it now, am I not?

So this week will be sensible, my last week on this job and I'm planning sense and sensibility! Will it work, I wonder? It might, it might, always worth a go, if you ask me.

So, Thursday night started off with a delishus meal cooked by my gorgeous fiance, which included cray fish, lots of them. And dessert :o) And sparkling vino, a particular partiality of mine :o)

On Friday a pub crawl was planned with an old friend. True the noise level got a bit too high and so it didn't really turn out to be the revel we had hoped, but still, a good time was had. But it is impossible to talk and get to know one another with a Banshee Wail going on all around, isn't it? Could just be old age talking here of course... After all, am nearly 50 (sob)

Saturday was a one pub visit with lots of friends, had a blast. Excellent fun. Been to the Brisbane Hotel in Beaufort St? It's a BRILLIANT pub, fantastic jazzy funky music and marvellous food. Go there. Now. :o)

Sunday was the Scotch Golf, Johhnie Walker Classic, pretty hot, pretty excellent day, got up a pretty thirst! So when we refreshed ourselves at our local drinking haunt and me birfdee was mentioned, I was once again inundated in sparkling vino! Very hard to say "no" to, and well, here we are again, tiddled!

So, tonight is nothing! Thank goodness! I am orf home to eat and sleep and not one drop of the devils brew will cross my lips!!! I will be entertained in a gentle fashion by Jeremy and wotsis face on Top Gear (in Vietnam tonight and lookin' good!) and no bottles will be opened. Unless it's a bottle of massage oil, that's allowed! On that note, am fairly sure I saw The Stig today, at least he was in a T-shirt that said "I am The Stig" but you can never be sure.....

I am practising of course for the Big 5 0. It will take a lot of practice, I am pretty sure of that! So, I thought I'd get in early. And because I keep thinking of the Big Number (5 aaah! 0 aahhh! It hurts, I can tell you, just thinking of those two numbers next to each other, gives me a pain in the cerebral cortex region ooh! aaahhhh!), 48 doesn't seem so bad :o) So, there is a year of 48 and then another year of 49 and then ......then there had better be a bloody big party, that's what! To ease the pain of transition!

One thing I did learn this weekend, it is NOT a good idea to get drunk on Stella. Well, any beer really. If I got up to go to the loo once in the night I got up five damn times at least! Staggering around drunk, stubbing my toes, looking for the right door with the loo inside it! Jeez! How do the Guys do it? Up and down, up and down, all night long! Strewth. And if anyone (Goffy) mentions any other bodily emissions and giggling, they are done for!!!

As for me, I'm back on the champers darlings! Just NOT tonight, hic.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Alien Technology?



Every time I go to the ATM, I live in hope of it giving me more than I asked for. Preferably, I would like it to spew money out as if it was a winning pokie.


This seems too much to ask for, and a bit greedy, so I hope (and expect really) for an extra note or two because the machine got a bit jammed inside and miscounted the lolly.

Why does this never happen? In this time of malfunctioning everything, why oh why are the cash machines so glitch free? Seriously, why? Do the banks have access to superior workmanship? Is there alien technology inside those suckers? Has anyone done any research on this?

I don’t see how it can be statistically possible for those wretched machines to always give you the right amount of money. Just look at the state of photocopiers for instance. You put a bunch of paper in and what you get out, on a statistically countable number of occasions, at the other end beggars belief, fit for the shredder only. The automatic roller/sucker thingamajig takes in three or four sheets at once, rolls the paper around it’s insides and spits it out at high velocity onto the floor in swatches! You see where I’m going with this? You can see the attraction of this behaviour by cash machines, holes in the wall, automatic get-rich-quick schemes? :o)

There’d be no reason for the government to hand out money for Economy Stimulation Packages, the money could come directly from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, the banks!

Therefore, if the bank machine people and the photocopier people were introduced ….. by a community-minded individual for instance, or the PM himself maybe, we would have a much happier situation going on, everyone would be MUCH happier with their photocopier always running true to form and the ATM’s behaving like photocopiers. Because of course that’s what would happen – a merging of technology always favours the worst bit of kit, surely? I’m sure that’s called “Thank you Mr Murphy Syndrome or “Soddit’s Law of the Universe” or something similar?

So, give me the PM’s addy, I’ll send this on to him :o)

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Toilet humour

Let me just set the scene.....

Long, busy corridor with offices off one side, laboratory doors off the other side. A disabled toilet around the middle of the corridor on the same side as the offices. A toilet that does not have a “foyer” area – you just walk right on in to the business section, so to speak. Picture a large aluminium grill in the middle of the disabled toilet door. All doors have large grills in them for the return air on the air conditioning. This grill is so large that when one person locked themselves out of their office one day, they kicked the grill in and crawled through the hole into their office and unlocked the door from the other side. It’s a security-nightmare type of grill.

Back to the grill in the disabled toilet door. This grill was loose. It had clip fasteners holding it in to the body of the door and to its counterpart on the other side of the door, made out of spring steel. So each grill is actually two grills, connected to each other by tightly sprung, spring steel clips. I had got into the habit, in my role of “fixer”, of knocking the grill back in, whenever I walked past it. Just while I was waiting for the carpenters to rock up and actually fix it properly, you understand? As long as you hold on to both sides of the door at the same time, this works very well and holds the grill together for another couple of weeks before it springs itself out again. On this occasion however, the door was closed, so I knew a good bash on it would pop that sucker right back in. Are you with me on this? Busy corridor, toilet pan on the other side of a door with potentially a very large hole in it? Sigh.

Of course I gave the grill a hefty whack. Of course the clips sprung and the inside grill popped right in and the outside grill popped right out, landing in the corridor with a resounding metallic CRASH! And there was a someone on the pan. Of course. Someone, who no doubt, had been in their own private place, just quietly meditating, the way you do when alone, on the pan, in peace with themselves and the world. The world who now seemed to want to come in and join the party, if indeed, a party there was! Rockin’ rollin’ let’s get this party GOIN’!!!! A resounding SHRIEK rent the air! Sigh.

That was a couple of years ago..... today, I walked in on someone else on the loo, same corridor, different loo. Much friendlier and potentially more intimate.... same volume of SHRIEK though!

Just as well I’m leaving next week, methinks!

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Ideas needed

There are some very clever people out there, writing the most MARVELLOUS blogs. I love reading them and commenting occasionally.... it does make me feel rather inadequate though and does take my words away.... I have nothing to write, I swear. I am a diarist who writes when anguished. When in deep trauma, I pour out my angst onto the page. When I am happy, as I am right now, there seems nothing to write about and although I am struggling along here, trying to find something that inspires me to put pen to paper (fingers to keys) nothing, but nothing comes to mind. So, that is my excuse for not keeping up with the blog really.

When my marriage fell apart I wrote six complete diaries in six months. I read them again after a year and laughed so hard! Wow! What a blast that was. I might have been in a state of shock and completely traumatised but I was SO FUNNY. I made myself laugh, it was really good, it actually helped a lot, but that was writing for no audience at all, well, maybe I was writing for my ex at one point, and maybe I was writing for posterity at another point, but mainly, I was just letting it all hang out. And that is what writing is for me - therapy. And at the moment, I don't need any. Which is good, obviously, but I am fast turning into a frustrated diarist.

I could go on about the frustrations at work, but that is truly boring and bores me too, I could write about my daughter but nothing is happening there and there is only so much I can speculate without new data to go on, I could soliloquise (yes, checked the spelling on dict.org and it is right!) about the GoffMan, but that would only make everyone sick :o) (is there an emoticon for vomiting? :o), I could write about the fascinating articles I found today on management styles and accident investigation but you know, who'd want to read that? Sigh.

What I need is a good subject. The funny signs I see on the street didn't work out too well, that brought out the god-freaks, so there is another fascinating subject that is apparently taboo. I have thought seriously of scrubbing the blog, but can't quite bear to do that.... too many things on here make ME laugh!

Ideas anyone? I'll just have another glass of bubbly while I wait for inspiration to hit or you to answer with a bright idea. Toodles.

Saturday, 7 February 2009

No more Interviews!

I got the job!

Ha ha! Marvellous! I am really looking forward to this. It will be totally new and different and totally scary! C'est la vie! It comes with a car :o) Sweeeet. Now, I have three more weeks where I am, and then a week off - yes! Beach time! And then, and then, it's in to the New with a vengeance.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Interviews, interviews!

Oh my word, I have a second interview! Same job but this time "an informal chat" over coffee! It's 3am and I'm awake here! And now my stomach has kicked in and thinks it's time for a meal. My face keeps yawning but my head is not in agreement! The original interview went well, I did not disgrace myself thankfully, and this is looking like a definite possibility, but that makes it all the more nerve wracking, when you can smell the job, it's nearly ever so close.... And then if I get the job, I'll be even MORE nervous than before! It's new, it's different, I've never done it before - ach! ach! I have to go and find some chocolate......

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Interview

I had an interview today. It was my first one in a number of years. It was very, VERY scary! I was completely wired afterwards and all I could eat was chocolate! It would be a very good job and I would like it a lot. I have to wait two days now before I know whether I was successful or not....fingers crossed then. I am going to concentrate on forgetting all about it so that I don't get my hopes up too high.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Lunchtime Ramblings


It's quite a different experience being drunk in the middle of the day, especially when you are trying to be sensible 'cos you're actually still at work.

During a leaving lunch last week, not mine - yet, after two glasses of wine on an empty stomach (bad service, took ages for nosh to arrive!) I noticed the strangest things. I wrote it all in to my phone so I wouldn't forget, 'cos otherwise I knew I would, but that is probably another symptom of daytime weeblies, writing self notes in phone!

Anyway, in amongst the passwords and recipes for Cosmopolitan cocktails, here is the long version of what I wrote to myself....

Amazing and minute details jump out at you. In glowing technicolour. Such as the suddenly fascinating picture in various shades of glowing royal blue on the wall. The 10 foot square picture I didn't actually notice on the way in to the restaurant. It was really the most glorious picture I had ever seen. Full of spots. Of blue.

Details such as how similar the two people opposite me actually look. If you ignore the fact that they are male and female of wildly different ages and have different colour hair, eyes and skin. And different noses, chins and cheeks, they actually look awfully similar. They both have a head for a start.

It then became apparent at this point that I was going to miss the person who was leaving quite a lot. My dear friend. We have known each other for 5 years and I love the lady like a bosom buddy! This was quite a sobering thought, causing me, in my distress, to have another glass of wine.

I then realised that deep and philosphical ideas, that I really had to share with the whole table, were pouring in to my brain. It was like a waterfall of scintillation. I did share them, they were much too good to keep to myself, my dear friends should partake of the wisdom of the ages! They did, with varying degrees of stunned expressions. But three bottles of vino had been consumed by us all at this point, so we battled on. I wasn't however, in a competant enough frame of mind to write these down to myself in the phone and have consequently lost them! How awful! They were so good, I know. Origin of Man type of stuff. Why we are here. Why. Why? Damned if I can remember.

At this point I tottered off to the Ladies, undressing on the way, as is my wont when in my cups. Fortunately, no-one noticed! :o) I'm sure of that. Anyway, trousers off, trousers ON. Remembered to do them up while in the loo, nothing worse than falling over ones dacks on the way back to the table as they swish down to ground level, I know that! That was a long time ago though, but, lesson learned, lesson learned!

So, here we are at the sink, having also remembered to wash our hands. It was a trick tap. I know that for a fact. Because there is nothing you can do wrong with a tap. You turn them on and the water goes in a downward direction. Every time that is what happens. When you are sober. And when the sink is sensible and stays still, waiting for the water to hit it. Today, either the tap moved or the sink did. Whichever was the culprit, the end effect was the same. Wet Groin Syndrome. Soggy Knickers Disease. Rampant Stain On Crutch!!!! Sigh.

Back out to the table, tripping up on the way, at least not over half mast trousers, but still! What a stupid place to put a step and a fountain! Right outside the Ladies loo, like an obstacle course. I cleverly slalemed my way back to the table with no-one the wiser.

The conversation at the table was very fascinating at this point. Carrots. Vomit. Why? An age-old question with a definite answer! Our food was all but consumed at this point, which is just as well really. Apparently the reason there is always carrots (diced) in vomit is because of the action of stomach acid on protein. Hyrochloric acid + protein = small orange chunks! I didn't know that! Wow! Nurses are fascinating people with so much fascinating information in their noggins!

Moving swiftly, and without a break, on, to wedding cakes, to discover that the actual name for a profiterole tower is a Crockenbush! Except that is the original restaurant spelling, my friend Ms Google says that the actual spelling is Croquembouche. I want one of those :o) If only because of the wonderful spelling! Unfortunatley, there wasn't one on the menu, a serious oversight, if you ask me! I would have ordered a whole croquembouche by this point, so enthusiastic was I about the lovely word!

And there, Dear Reader, endeth the notes and therefore the lesson for the day. The lesson being? I hear you say. It's obvious surely? Read it again, you're sure to notice it this time!