Friday, 26 September 2008
I had just got into the swing of the written word to my estranged daughter to try to woo her back, gently, over time and thought it was going swimmingly as she hasn't sent anything back. You know, shredded in an envelope for instance. However, the reason I havent had any response is because the child has moved several times in the last year or so. Apparently. Drat. Back to the metaphorical drawing board then. Plan B. What is Plan B? Plan B so far consists of asking her, politely, through my son (who may see her in the next couple of months - it's a long-term plan!) if I may please have her address! And to inform her I wont visit! Likelihood of success of Plan B - probably zero, zilch and (fill in raspberry sound here!)
I have gone back to being on the public blog lists. I like to send "the scream" out into the ether, it is very therapeutic.
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Now here is a conundrum. I am not sure if I am imagining this but as time goes on and my body is still behaving, I think it must be true. I have been taking Swisse Formula vitamin, mineral and herbal extract for a number of years. And for the last one to one and a half years I have been battling extreme tiredness that comes and goes in a seemingly random manner, often hits Monday morning so I think “Monday Blues”, or I wake up during the week feeling truly awful, so I think “bad night’s sleep”, or “time of the month”, lately I have been thinking pending menopause.
I know that ibuprofen makes me so tired (one or two days later!) that I feel like bursting into tears for no apparent reason. Ventolin gives me heart palpitations so severe, it is as if I have an accelerating and badly tuned motor in my chest. Iodine nearly kills me. I seem to be hypersensitive to some drugs. On one memorable occasion, I hallucinated quite freely on oxygen and Ventolin, either that or the wallpaper people really do exist and wander around the walls of their own volition, pulling faces at innocent bystanders.
There are quite a few foods that also have an interesting effect on the poor old bod, but that’s a whole other story. So the sneaky thought does occur that I may be a raving hypochondriac. But you know, the fact remains that I am feeling much better and have done for the last little while, which is longer than I have felt good for, for a long time. Another clue, is that this extreme tiredness always wears off around 2 in the afternoon. This is most obvious Mon-Fri, hence I naturally thought it was my job and maybe it was time for a new one.... except I didn’t have the energy! So, there have been a few red herrings and muddling issues. The clincher was staying away from home for the weekend and forgetting to take the pills with me. I felt really GOOD Monday morning. Took the pills Monday night, felt wretched Tuesday, had a eureka moment and haven’t taken any since and, hello, what’s this? Energy levels up, not dragging self around, still in very good condition after work and into the evening. Hmmmm.....imagination? The jury is still out and the pills stay in the bottle. All of them, glucosamine and evening primrose oil and suspicious Swisse Formula.
I have mentioned this to a doc since I wrote this and have been told about “toxic overload” and how vitamin pills could be taken as an insurance against deficiency ONCE A MONTH!!!! Yes, one pill, once a month. Marvellous. And here I am assuming that any components not used by the body are flushed out and down the john, oh no, we store them and go into toxic overload instead. Efficient aren’t we?
I am back at Weight Watchers. I am very happy with this. I feel in control and very optimistic. The ultimate goal is to be a smaller size for the wedding. Which is a dreadful reason, but a goal is a goal. Also I have three distinct wardrobes right now, a size 10, size 12 and now a scary 14. Two years ago, I lost 30kg and went from a size 20 down to a size 10. My mother was curious as to why I had never done this before, when I was still married, maybe to save my marriage..... but the truth is, I tried continuously for years and years to do just that. It was the actual trauma of the marriage break-up that did the trick. I was at Weight Watchers then too but didn’t really follow their diet, I just hardly ate and exercised huge amounts and the weight fell off. Literally. Every day I altered my clothes before I went to work. I felt fantastic and bullet proof. However, that can only go on for so long and as soon as I steadied down and settled down and came out of that raw state, the weight went back on, relentlessly! I have now put half of it back on. Oh my God, am getting more and more unhappy with that. So, fresh start. WW and group support and doing it properly. I want this to be a lifestyle change, a habit. I want this to be so ingrained it becomes second nature to eat properly, so this never happens again. I LOVED being size 10. Going into boutiques and buying scraps of lace that doubled up as clothing! And the knickers on the washing line are no longer size 20 granny knickers, they are barely there!!!! Fabulous! I LOVE that SO MUCH!!! And I am going back there before the knickers morph back! So, Cheers, with water and lemon, followed by a spot of Margaret River wine :o) just take the chocolate away, for God’s sake!