Friday, 29 February 2008

Lawn Bowls!

Good gracious, I've found yet another sport that I'm jolly crap at! But you know, I think this is really a drinking game, not a proper sport. You know, like strip poker or darts. Not that I've ever heard of strip bowls and really, with all those mosquitos flying around at dusk, it may not be the wisest thing to indulge in. And strip darts just doesn't bear thinking about. But I stray from the point; I think. Anyway, we were all pretty crap together, all work mates none of us having played before, cheap beer provided, bandicoots laid on for our entertainment! I thought bandicoots were the sole property of Playstation, but no! They live and breathe in Leeming, on the lawn bowls green. Aaaah, how cute. Even after several beers. Yep, still cute.

What was quite funny were the proprietors - they gave us instruction (in ever more disbelieving tones) and cooked a sausage sizzle. While cooking they were overheard by one highly amused player to say "They are taking a long time aren't they?" "Yes, and what are they doing now?" "I dont know, er, well..... my god, they've stopped to EAT!" Yes, there we all were, eating! And the bowls waited on the lawn for us to get back to them. Aaah, and there's the bandicoots again.

Thirteen ends. Took us about three hours, apparently this is a long time, in fact no-one managed a whole 13 ends and my team only got to six, it would have been seven if the Chinese captain of our opposing team hadn't had the brilliant, innovative idea of clearing away all the bowls that came near to the kitty (little white ball, to the uninitiated!). He only did this on the 7th end, not sure why it took him that long to come up with this marvellous scheme - maybe he'd had enough by then and wanted to hurry us along? I know I had suggested we played turbo-charged bowls to get us going again after the gastronomic delights of the sausages - but am fairly sure I didnt mean picking up all the bowls before they even stopped rolling. We didn't like to mention it as his English wasn't all that good. Didn't want to upset him really, we just got another beer in instead and Oh! Is that sausage going spare?


Short guy said...

I do hope old Dennis never reads this, he would not be a happy chappie.

Flibbertigibbet said...

I'm an atheist. Always have been. But if you took Religious Education as an option at school it meant you got out of P.E. I took R.E. Which pretty much sums up how much I hate sport. I'm just not built for it. I did play carpet bowls once or twice though, that wasn't so bad!